By Michael Kearns

Oprah a lesbian?!? Oh, Lawdy! In a culture where image is paramount and deception is elevated to an intricately orchestrated art form, here's an opportunity to test your Gay Hollywood IQ. Don't cheat—even if you are on a first name basis with Elton or Ellen or Ian or Jodie or ...

1. Of the following, who is not rumored to be a lesbian?
a) Whitney Houston
b) Hillary Clinton
c) Jessica Simpson
d) Oprah Winfrey

2. Of the following, whose claims of heterosexuality does Oprah Winfrey not validate?
a) Tom Cruise
b) Barry Manilow
c) Sir Ian McKellen
d) John Travolta

3. Of the following, who does not have a boyfriend/husband rumored to be gay?
a) Star Jones Reynolds
b) Katie Holmes
c) Oprah Winfrey
d) Hillary Clinton

4. Of the following, who has not repeatedly denied being gay or lesbian?
a) Tom Cruise
b) Oprah Winfrey
c) Melissa Etheridge
d) Sean Hayes

5. Of the following couples, which was not rumored to have a gay relationship?
a) Cary Grant and Randolph Scott
b) Marlon Brando and Wally Cox
c) Janet Gaynor and Mary Martin
d) Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop

6. Of the following, who is not rumored to be a card-carrying closet case?
a) Kevin Spacey
b) Boy George
c) Michael T. Weiss
d) Wentworth Miller

7. Of the following, who did not get married to prove his heterosexuality?
a) Rock Hudson
b) David Gest
c) Brad Pitt
d) Michael Jackson

8. Of the following ladies, who did not marry a homo (at least once)?
a) Judy Garland
b) Liza Minnelli
c) Elsa Lancaster
d) Laura Bush

9. Of the following, which celebrity does Rosie O'Donnell claim to have a crush on?
a) Tom Cruise
b) George Michael
c) Pee Wee Herman
d) Harvey Fierstein

10. Of the following, whose rumored homosexuality will likely become a headline reality?
a) Anderson Cooper
b) Kevin Spacey
c) Barry Manilow
d) Jeff Probst

11. Of the following, who does not epitomize Shakespeare's famous line, “The lady doth protest too much methinks”?
a) Oprah Winfrey
b) Tom Cruise
c) Whitney Houston
d) Nathan Lane

12. Of the following, who did not marry their rumored-to-be-gay mate as a career move?
a) Bill Clinton
b) Lisa Marie Presley
c) Bobby Brown
d) Kelly Preston

13. Of the following, who is not a good pretender?
a) Leslie Jordan
b) Michael T. Weiss
c) Vin Diesel
d) Jerry Penacoli

14. Of the following, who does not collude with known-to-be closet cases?
a) Jay Leno
b) Ellen DeGeneres
c) Rosie O'Donnell
d) Matt Drudge

15. Of the following, whose AIDS death was not rumored to be gay-related?
a) Arthur Ashe
b) Brad Davis
c) Amanda Blake
d) Freddie Mercury

16. Of the following, who has not been gay or rumored-to-be-gay for so long that it doesn't matter?
a) Merv Griffin
b) Lily Tomlin
c) Burt Reynolds
d) Jennifer Aniston

17. Of the following, who would not give the LGBT community a bad reputation if proven to be gay?
a) Michael Jackson
b) Al Gore
c) Pat Robertson
d) Phyllis Schlafly

18. Of the following, whose coming out as gay was not redundant?
a) Tab Hunter
b) George Takei
c) Portia de Rossi
d) Nathan Lane

19. Of the following, who was miraculously cured of self-acknowledged gayness?
a) Anne Heche
b) Tennessee Williams
c) Billy Bean
d) Barney Frank

20. Of the following, who did not go to his grave in the closet (so to speak)
a) Michael Jeter
b) Liberace
c) Robert Reed
d) Montgomery Clift

21. Of the following, who has been rumored to have a hankering for trannies?
a) Tommy Lee
b) Kevin Federline
c) Eddie Murphy
d) Al Reynolds

22. Of the following mothers, who would most likely not have a gay son?
a) Barbra Streisand
b) Phyllis Schafly
c) Phyllis Diller
d) Gloria Vanderbilt

23. Of the following, who is referenced as Hollywood's “first openly gay actor”?
a) Rin Tin Tin
b) Paul Lynde
c) Ronald Reagan
d) Michael Kearns

If you answer 20+ questions correctly,
you probably have Chastity Bono's cell phone number on your BlackBerry.

If you got 15-19 questions right,
you likely know what kind of lube Ryan Seacrest prefers.

If you only managed to answer 7-14,
you will never eat lunch in this town with Barbra and her son, Jason.

If you only got between 0-6,
you might be just like Oprah—a hetero!

Answers

1) c
2) c
3) d
4) c
5) d
6) b
7) c
8) d
9) a
10) d
11) d
12) b
13) a
14) d
15) c
16) d
17) b
18) c
19) a
20) a
21) c
22) c
23) d